A Teacher is a Window
There is a girl of about 5 or 6 and her younger brother playing now.
And long ago - in another age - a pair of sisters in their early 20s are worrying about one another...
Serious and academic.
The tunnels of their fondness go deep.
Yet the world aches with pain.
Those tunnels never reach yonder shore.
But they don't.
I know that now.
The closeness others have...
I don't have that.
Like a piece of clothing that looks uncomfortable or awkward on us..;
That is true for me
I don't know if I ever had it.
In fleeting moments.
All I have ever really had is the fabric of my questions;
the call of nature.
Maybe that closeness that others have is a shawl they wear to avoid the darkness of their own silence.
Huddled up close...
I have ruggedness.
Ruggedness is my dependent "leather bag."
(I don't have a leather bag.)
I have ruggedness.
I have determination and independence.
But not closeness.
Closeness is hollow in comparison.
I am perennially out.
Out shopping for freedom.
There's nothing in the stores that is worth buying.
Freedom is the only priceless thing.
It's elusive though.
The slave traders drive a hard bargain.
That's the way of nature.
It's not unsurmountable though.
If I thought it were...I don't know where I would be.
Perhaps drinking beer in a roadside tavern.
"Ox-bow lake"- syndrome I call it.
The alternative is a very isolating goal.
It isn't meant to be.
I mean, there are thousands of other people on the road with you.
The same road.
But when you turn inward...all you have is the noise of the sea in your ears.
You have to go beyond that somehow.
Find your North-West Passage.
The teacher is a window.
Look to him to penetrate the ice flows
He won't hold your hand.
He is not a crutch.
A teacher is a window.
He gives you a clearer view...of the terrain that awaits you.
There is no cafe on the corner...
And most people who appear are blips on the screen.
They pass quickly.
When my lunch and books are emptied out of whichever bag I might be carrying...
His smile is all that is left to carry.
My teacher warned me once that if you want what is worth having
you have to sacrifice everything to the journey.
The blips on my screen pass quickly.
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