Message to Self

ob·ses·sion ( P ) Pronunciation Key (b-sshn, b-)
Compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion, often accompanied by symptoms of anxiety.
A compulsive, often unreasonable idea or emotion.

A confession. I wrote a New Year Missive awhile back - it is on this site - under The Phoenix. I wrote:

" ex-wife who continues to haunt me. I never knew that the wounds of emotion and feeling went so deep. It's been years since the break up. I move on. I renew. I reach for the stars... but the past has not finished with me yet. I let her go as best I can. But she clings on to me. And I say 'adieu, goodbye, fare thee well.' I guess healing is not something we design - it has its own rhythm- and we must learn to flow with it as best we can."


I have been holding myself back by embracing the form of the shadow - when its inner essence of protoplasm (its main ju-ju of juice) EVAPORATED long ago. It's like trying to kiss the memory of brown sugar, and all that's left is a homeopathic stain.I have not been truthful with my attachment, though I am being utterly truthful with my process. That is NOT One and the same thing. I have been in love with the linkage, but I have been somehow utterly paralyzed to just break the fricking chain. I have been in bondage to figuring out a meaningless formula. The only person who wants to memorize the recipe, is me, and the CAKE DISAPPEARED
A LONG TIME AGO! Who the hell transfixed me!? Why did I play the fool so long?
Anger, feelings of betrayal...probably they all had a part to play...

Who cares about the atomic structure of navel lint? Only me! Time to move on.

I appear to have been confusing the process of RELEASE with the attachment to release, itself.

I must remove the lint from my third eye! And follow life's guidance - to go beyond what no longer serves my OBSESSIVE sight.

I confuse caring for someone and letting them go. They are sometimes one and the same. Obsession and attachment can be hideous blinders. Wake up Nathan! Love Nathan

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Mind is the closest thing to our Reality...Be careful how you use it. Businessman, yogi, teacher, addicted to laughing...