I remember Martha once wrote me a love letter in a card...she used the phrase: "my scruffy teddy bear nemesis." I am not sure if it was "scruffy"...something like that - something evoking 'unkempt', "unfinished", "bohemian" - it had the ring of some diminutive phrase we would use for someone we cared for - someone who was beautiful and challenging to us at the same time. I wonder where the phrase came from in her mind - I mean the word 'nemesis' in particular.

I wonder about this because it has come to symbolise the greater story between us. Relationships stand for things. Deciphering their more subtle meaning is a lifelong process.

The online dictionary's definition of nemesis is:

A source of harm or ruin: Uncritical trust is my nemesis.
Retributive justice in its execution or outcome: To follow the proposed course of action is to invite nemesis.
An opponent that cannot be beaten or overcome.
One that inflicts retribution or vengeance.
Nemesis Greek Mythology. The goddess of retributive justice or vengeance."

I wonder how much bitterness people carry without being open about it to themselves? This definately is something that comes up for me as a serious question when I think of Martha. I feel she is happily pursuing her life now - but surely buried in her consciousness is this unresolved bitterness toward me. Something that she covers over. Hate and indifference are mercurial things. It is a complicated issue.

Sometimes, the invisible realm within us needs to be left fallow for some years at times(hence the phrase: "Time is a great healer") - just as fields do - if we really wish to bring about healthy soils and meaningful harvests. Left fallow...but NOT denied, fresh air, fresh rain and bird song. Deep connections between human beings have an astonishing and often times, surprising biology. I see this more potently than anywhere else - in dreams and in art.

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Mind is the closest thing to our Reality...Be careful how you use it. Businessman, yogi, teacher, addicted to laughing...