"When you go into the supermarkets here, you walk around a bit, and then go back around again and after a while you realize there isn't any food!" a friend from the UK (clearly equates food with something different to what you find in a supermarket full of food in India)
"Do you have a screwdriver and some plyers?" Internet cable installation man
"Is that near Africa?" (a well educated adult asking where South America is)
"Can I be your friend?" - line by a stranger who called up a Belgium friend of mine, having gotten her phone number from somewhere
"Yes, Sir, we can definately do it....I will just have to check with my technical boss."
3 days later - I called him back - as he OF COURSE failed to call me as he said he would "No sir we cannot do it." This guy has a PhD! He works for a jacuzzi company and has a PhD in something like interior design (yes that is possible in India).
"100%. It will be done by tomorrow morning. I promise you." - so many people say this and almost none of them obviously understand what 100% means. They do not do whatever the say. Maybe "100%", in India, means "whatever I am about to say is not true:"
"Can I use your phone?" - the internet man who has consistently failed to come when he said he would, who is carrying a company cellphone and who has made yet another elemental mistake that is so ridiculously stupid that words fail me...and he asks to use my phone - to deal with yet another one of his mistakes....Flabbergasted.
"Can I help you sir?".. "No thanks I am just looking." Then you automatically get followed around the store by about 10 salespeople who have nothing better to do but annoyingly follow you around (this is a phenomenon to be "enjoyed" throughout Asia). Finally one has to resort to squirting them with a water pistol.
"Hello, hello, hello. Sir, Sir, SIR, SIRRRR!!!" The territorial warblings of any and every watchman who automatically decides that your bicycle is going to cause mayhem to endless people if it is not moved 3 centimeters backwards in the most vacant part of the apartment block or public building car lot that you have parked it in. Having got used to this by now I have learned to walk away looking highly absorbed in something else very much more important. Hence the "SIRRRR!!"
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